“Cat calling” is a compliment?

I have never met any woman, younger or older, who’d never experienced catcalling.

Catcalling is an unwanted comments, gestures, and actions forced on a stranger (woman, most often) in a public place, without their consent and is directed at them, because of their actual or perceived sex, gender, gender expression, or sexual orientation.

When someone catcalls, he perpetuates the personal borders of another person. Usually it is “he”, who considers, that he has right for that, that it is what in default must be taken into consideration and be accepted; even, he thinks, he does good to her or makes her feel good about herself (it is a compliment! You must be happy that someone pays attention to you!).

By default he considers, that she must appreciate this and needs this appreciation and if not – it is she, who is wrong.

Catcalling never asks for permission, it just interferes into personal frontiers.

Catcalling is expression of the “objectivisation” of women and is expression of sexism in the patriarchic society.

What is the difference between catcalling and the compliment? Compliment is expected and it is welcomed: by the social agreement it is permitted and welcomed (for instance at a date or between wife and husband at a family party… ). People should know each other and be sensitive and empathetic to understand, if their compliment, evaluation, opinion is appropriate. The person receiving is open to get, his/her personal borders are open and welcoming. That is the difference.

Understanding of the theory is like, so, very good, but, in reality, what can a woman do when she is catcalled, at the given place and time? – This is the question.

In case of reacting, the perpetrator may get aggressive and escalate till insults or more verbal and non-verbal aggression. Most of the time I choose to ignore (as most of my friends), because usually you have not even have time to stop or to speak to anyone, when catcalling happens. And, then, there is fear of more aggression and violence.

So, can anything be responded individually, when you are catcalled? – I stay with this question for years…

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Hey, Would You Like a Cup of Tea?

Hey people! Have you seen that awesome video that is around internet? We just saw it, and we regret that it took 1 year for us to see it!

 

You’ve watched it right? Wasn’t it so cool? Let’s have a look to what we’ve just seen. By replacing sex with tea, it just made it so much easier and fun to understand the importance of the consent.

When we feel sexual attraction towards another person we tend to assume that other person also feels the same. So we act. We try to kiss, we try to touch and we try to have sex, but the point that we miss is what the other person thinks. So this video reminds us that there is a genius way of learning what they think. JUST ASK THEM. We know that emotions, relationships, and sex in general in complicated. But we can make it easier by just asking. Because without consent it is not something fun anymore, indeed it is forcing. The other thing we liked was the emphasis on how people can change their ideas. Just because you had sex with them already doesn’t mean that they want to have sex with you all the time. It made us think about marriages and long term relationships. Even though you are deeply in love, and are comfortable with one another in bed, doesn’t mean that you can do it without their will. Sexual violence from partners are not taken as much seriously as from the ones that are not. Because people assume that consent is forever. In fact, it is not.

So let’s all remember that, just because we made a tea, doesn’t mean that they have to drink it. So “whether it is sex or tea, consent is everything”.


This video was brought to you by Blue Seat Studios (http://www.blueseatstudios.com). They focus on creating educational videos in a funny way. In their own words “educate with humor”. So if you like to watch more, do not hesitate to visit their websites. (http://www.showmejusticefilmfestival.com/ )

 

Elif Dilan Bukan/Lukáš Koupil